Tig.

I mean...it's been over two weeks! MY GOD! How have I lived?

Well...I've some news. I've been feeling like shit lately...and by lately I mean for the past months...and...I finally came up with something...I'm depressed. And yes...I said I wasn't going to post anything sad or angry or unhappy, but this isn't. This is great news. For the longest time I've felt like there was something wrong with me...and...I was always crying...I had bad headaches and recently stomachaches so bad that I got nauseous from them. Yeah...and...I just...felt really bad. Just beyond words. And I felt so alone. Like God was punishing me for some reason...and then it hit me and I immediately went to the computer and looked it up. The symptoms almost matched my recent behavior word for word. So now...everything's going to be okay. I know I'm not alone. And...today has been one of the best days of this year. And for a summer that's been made up of bad days, this is great news. Not only this, but since I feel I haven't been that great of a friend to anyone lately, I'm going to try to be more understanding and more of a listener. Especially to Darin. I miss my Darin. I had a mini-sobfest of "I miss Darin"s last night. It was bad. -smiles- I luffs mah Kevin! -dies-

Speaking of friends, I can't get ahold of Dedra. I mean...we were supposed to finish the Princess Bride...but I was awful to her yesterday. I mean...I could have been worse...but I most definately could have been better. I hope she's okay. I was really hoping to apologize today. I hope she's not mad at me. I really do. Lately she's been one of my best friends. Up in the top three with Jess and Darin, even. And it takes a while to get there. Took Sarah three years. Just because when you have people around me like them, it takes a long time for people to match their friendship level. -dies- I'm playing Rune Scape too much -dies more-. Level. Lord. Um...but...Dedra. She came over to the house the other day (which is a major event in my life...should have told you) and...I swear to God we had such a wonderful time. One of the best times I've had this year. And...it was so much fun. We played games. We made jokes. I introduced her to Will and Grace...we have jokes. Our wee moo thing (she's say Moo wee -dies-)...our rum wackers thing (-dies- Don't ask...maybe one other day I'll explain it)...and just...all that stuff...and...one thing that means a lot to me...she sat on my bed...I know that doesn't exactly make sense to you...but Sarah is the only non-Hilts person that's been in this house in quite a while. And well...she sits in my exercise chair. Never on my bed. Ever. And it's impersonal and gives off nervous vibes. I prefer what Dedra did. She sat right in front of me in my bed and looked me in the eyes as she talked. Which seems little maybe to you...but to me it's a lot...it's more trusting...and...maybe I'm not like that...I don't know...I hope I'm trusting to a point. But Dedra...completely trusting and you can tell she's being honest with me. I like that a lot. And...I just...had a blast. A complete blast. In fact, we're going to Tax-Free weekend in Texarkana Friday. It makes me happy. I'll be fun shopping with her and not my mom. Our moms'll shop together whilst we do. Heaven. And unlike some people, I doubt Dedra'll tell me that I shouldn't wear strapless stuff. -blinks- Even though it's going to be fall...doubt there'll be any strapless stuff. I can only pray. -dies- But anyway...I hope she's okay...and...that she's not mad at me. That would just...make me very sad. She's one of my best friends...-sighs- Speaking of friends, maybe it's just me...but it feels like Shelli's not listening to a word I say "Shelli...I'm depressed." "Me too. Anyway...about Zeke..." Yeah. Maybe it's my imagination. Maybe I'm being selfish. But -shrugs- That's all my feelings on the subject...and I don't consider that negative. Nor do I consider it positive. It's up in the air.

Speaking of strapless. I NEED TO GO SWIMMING! GAH! I bloody well can't go a summer without swimming! There has to be a law against it! GAH! -falls over- Anyway...

I'm playing Pokemon again. Yes...kill me, I know. But I'm having fun! -dies- And I got my ears repierced (for this lovely bellydancer-esque chandiler earrings I got at Target). Had a day with my mom on Saturday. Um...Rascal's missing...Um...I'm a level 60 in Rune Scape...Ned Kelly's out...and...it has Geoffrey Rush, the Elf, Heath Ledger...and the guy who played Owen Lars in Attack of the Clones and "Revenge of the Sith" (which reminds me) and who played Gawain in King Arthur. Yes. Many cows... Got Princess Bride on DVD (at last)...Cary Elwes is in Edison with Justin. If they make eye contact...I swear I'll kill Justin. Bastard. Being in a movie with my fifth-going-on-fourth favorite actor. Damn him. Er...this new Tango flavoured Dentyne ice tastes like...juice. If you don't know what I'm talking about...then you don't need to be reading this blog. -dies- In honour of the Princess Bride...I'm going to re-write "The Whipping Boy". I drew a detailed three story map and everything...the country is going to be called Florin, in honour of the Princess Bride...and the one "Eric" is coming from is going to be called Guildor. Yeah...it's lovely.

I feel embarrassed. I was playing Rune Scape and doing this. And this guy was talking to me. Poor guy. -dies- He's all "Howdy." "Er...that means hi." "Cat got your tongue?" And I was like "SHIT!" -dies- I hate that...it's embarrassing. -dies- Oh well...it's not that bad...he's nice enough. Made an excuse of reading. Writing in my blog is just...I dunno. Leads to questions -dies- I suppose. I'm paranoid. I quickly said reading. -dies- Habit. GOD DAMN IT! -dies- I've been wanting to say "habit" like "habbit" out of...habit. -dies- Hobbit. Habit. You see what I mean. -dies-

Well...it's just about two and I said I was gonna go at 1:30, but I forgot.

Damn it.