Tig.

Yesterday...was awful and today's turning out to be terrible, too. Yesterday...well...the day before yesterday, I had to get off the computer early because I took a lot of sleeping pills, but I only slept for 3 hours, so I was tired all day. I went to go see March of the Penguins, which wasn't really anything special, but was good documentary wise. I expected the theater to be practically empty. I was wrong. The theater was FILLED to the brim with people so old I was surprised they weren't croaking during the movie and with mothers with little bitty children. Now, I don't know what these people expected. Documentaries aren't fucking Disney movies. Little baby penguins DIE. And they show it. Frozen baby penguins, frozen baby penguin eggs, frozen adult penguins, frozen half way adult penguins, and preditors eating adult penguins and baby penguins. It's a documentary. Not a fucking Disney movie. And there was penguin sex. So...everything that wasn't exactly cute and peachy, the old people had a fucking cow about. And I could hear the children and the adults talking LOUD LIKE THIS throughout the whole movie. Personally, I wanted to go there and see a relaxing movie, but I was fucking annoyed the whole time. That and, there were constantly people coming in. I mean, seriously, 30 minutes into an 80 minute movie, there were families coming in, standing in front of me and talking louder than the old codgers in the audience. I mean...stupid people. STUPID people. This is a miniscule theater. Anyone who is smart enough to realize this would realize that this theater only has one set of stairs. But nooooo. The whole fucking family gets in my way, talking as loud as they can, wondering why the hell there aren't any other stairs. I mean...what's the point? It just...pissed me off so much. It was probably the worst movie going experience I've ever had. Ever. -sighs- That isn't a movie for little kids or for old women who think they're seeing a live action Disney movie, okay? It's about a struggle for fucking survival. Survival is for the fittest out there, so yes, things are going to die. It was just awful. And at the end, they had footage of the guys taping the penguins, and these people were standing RIGHT in front of me, waiting to get out, and I couldn't see it. God...so pissed off. And somebody right behind me fell asleep a few minutes into it and was snoring. Luckily, I think someone woke them up.

After that I had an hour to blow before I had to pick my mom up. I brought my Harry Potter book with me so I wouldn't get bored, but that book is huge. There was no way I was going to sneak into Books-A-Million with it. So I kept the car on and read for an hour until it started over heating. So, I started her up and started going and some prick who wasn't looking backed out in front of me and didn't even give the little apologetic "Oops, I'm sorry. Didn't see you" wave, but just kinda looked at me with a stupid face. And so I waited for a good 30 seconds (which, I was aggrivated, it felt like a lot longer than that) and started to go. But, when I let off the breaks...it wouldn't go! It started drifting backwards! So I said...okay...I accidentally pushed it into neutral. Looked down...it was on Drive. So I pushed on the breaks (which I had to slam down on to get the car to stop), turn off the car in the middle of the pathway, and start it again. Didn't work. So the last time, I turned it on and just pushed the accelerator and it went enough to get me into a parking space. By then, I was in hysterics. I was cranky, annoyed, tired, and sweaty by the time I called my mom, who told me to go inside. Well...I went in and it turned out that about 30 minutes later, my mom was inside Books-A-Million and it turned out that I'd flooded the engine, but it worked now. It only didn't work for me. She called me from where I was in the children's section reading a copy of the Goblet of Fire (not mine) and told me to meet her in the cafe. Well...I got up, put the book aside and did so. Now, this was adding injury to insult, or whatever the hell the phrase is. We were wearing...the same thing. Completely decked in black. I was so embarrassed. And even worse, some guy named Will (introduced himself since he embarrassed the SHIT out of me) commented on it. Thought it was really funny. Something about the Bobsey twins. And about wanting a shirt just like ours. Yes...not even playing. And...he was nice looking. God...I wanted to just...crawl into a hole and die.

Well, I thought that yesterday couldn't have been worse, but today was just added onto it. I woke up, went to the bathroom and watched TV as usual. Nothing out of the ordinary. But I came back into the computer room to get my book and what do I see? My action figures, at least 7 of them, strewn out in the middle of the floor...chewed up. I was so angry I couldn't see. Just crying and sobbing. And to make matters worse, I figured this out. I had put up the garbage that Aayla usually gets into and closed the bathroom door so she couldn't tear anything up in there, so what does she do? She waits until I'm awake, and goes and shoves aside the things I had covering my action figures, takes out a few of them, gnaws a few pieces off and goes and acts like nothing's happened. In spite. GOD! I'm just...I feel awful right now. So...if anyone wants to cheer me up...I'm willing.

It's 6 in the fucking morning. And I can't sleep. Damn it. After the other day staying up all night and passing out at 7, I thought I'd be back on schedule. I'm not. Damn it.

Dedra spent the night yesterday. We had a lot of fun. Now I'm stuck on Harry Potter fanfiction. The type I'd told myself I wouldn't read. Damn me. Damn me a lot. Need some fucking Domlando. It'll help. A lot.

I just got through reading what is posted of a story Dedra linked to me...don't remember the name, but it was a Harry Potter fanfic. Oy. It's good. Twisted...in an odd way, but good. And now I'll forever have a Narcissa Malfoy/Harry Potter fetish. DAMN IT! -falls over- Oh well. I'll get over it in a few days.

The other day I stayed up all night cleaning the living room. Four fucking bags of trash it pulled out. Four fucking bags. And from sitting on the floor I've now got pencil shavings up my arse. Lovely. Well...that day...I went to Texarkana with Ami. Yes! I've finally gotten in contact with Ami! I've missed her. Well...she hadn't seen Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, so I took her. And fell asleep. -dies- I only missed my least favorite part, though. Those damn movie theater seats are so damn uncomfortable. I just missed the boat ride and Augustus Gloop being sucked up. Don't like that part too much. I woke up just in time for the Violet Beaureguard song. I love the Veruca Salt one, by the way. It's so lovely.

It feels great, though. Since Dedra was over, I had to be clothed, but now I don't. I'm so cooled off. Praise the Lord.

Going to get some "toy" cleaner from Blowfish. I need some. Echikochan needs a cleaning. Ani, not as much. Very loud, it is. Very loud. Sounds like a fucking lawnmower.

Just paid off my debts to momma. I'm happy to be debt free. Until I find something else for my costume. Ooh...speaking of, if I haven't said already, I got some great Mary Janes at Payless that are like half Mary Jane, half ballet shoe. My favorite. They're great, but I'm not wearing them until Halloween. They'll be comfy, though. I bought a five dollar pair of cheap Mary Janes, and they're my favorite pair of shoes. Except when I get overheated. Boy, do they warm up ones feet.

Not much to say here. Just looking at some Chobits wallpapers and wondering who did it on a two part episode of Case Closed. And looking up renaissance clothing in eBay. Because that's what I do when I'm bored. By the way, after I bought one specific part of my costume, I found another one that's ten times better. And cheaper. Pisses me off.

I've found a new piece of clothing that I like. Spats. They look so great. Perfect for layering. No such thing as too many layers, you know? It just sucks in the summer. Very hot, it is. But I love spats. Look them up, they're wonderful. You just tie them down to your shoe and a whole new hot look is born. It's very cute. But as of right now, far too hot. I'll still try and get one for the fall. I've found some black male ones that measure 11 inches, so that should fit my foot, you think?

Back on the costume, I'm still looking for a purple garter. Not too many around are there? And black ones are far too easy to find; I'm definitely getting purple. It'll match the bustle. Yes, precious.

Oy...barely anything on my eBay. So bored. Wonder what I should do. Maybe I should try some sleep. My eyelids are quite heavy. I'm going to be tired tomorrow night, that's for sure.

Random note: I want one of those Gothic Lolita Bibles I hear about all the time. I'm pretty sure it's a magazine like FRUiTS, you know? Sounds so cute. Or should I say 'kawaii'.

Exercised today. Quite physically worn out because of it. Not exercising to "Give 'Em Hell, Kid" by My Chemical Romance. So fast my legs nearly came off. Afterwards, I followed with my Chakras and felt so calm that I almost passed out. Wish I would have. Going to bed at 12 would be nice for a change. Didn't even think of those damned sleeping pills we just bought until it would be too late to take them. Like now.

I suppose that's it for today. Er...for right now, I guess. I might post again on the blog today. Dunno what I'm going to do. 6 days until school starts.

Classes are:

1. Trigonometry - Walthour
2. French - ???
3. Choir - Holley
4. Creative Writing - Schlesselman
5. Advanced English 12 - Bowens
6. Business Applications - Harmon
7. Drama/Speech - Huckabee

And a quick thought on each.

1. God, this sucks. I'm late all the time. Walthour will make me dance to get in. Oh well. It's all my fault. I'm always bitching to myself that math isn't earlier on so I can get it the fuck over with.

2. I miss Mrs. Strasner.

3. I miss Mrs. Auld.

4. YAY! SCHLESSELMAN!

5. BOO! BOWENS!

6. I so don't want to take Business Applications.

7. I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT DRAMA! -squees- It's so what I've been looking forward to. Friday I'll be twitching all day until I get to it.

By the way, locker number 319 in the senior hallway. Took four keys to get a locker to open. Damn it.

Picture in hallway still looks like shit.

Mr. Dykes called me the smartest girl in the school. I'm afraid.

In a good way.

I feel...really bad right now...so I want to write something...anything to cheer myself up with. Earlier I was reading in Jessica's journal how she wrote this...so I decided to do it.

100 Things About Me

1.) I sometimes get really scared about my future. I just feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction
2.) I daydream constantly, even when I'm upset. I'm not very sure if it's healthy.
3.) Despite what it seems, I really care what people think.
4.) I'm very easily upset.
5.) I dream of being famous. I'd love to be a rockstar. I've wanted to sing since I was 7.
6.) I feel like my dreams will never come true.
7.) I'm very scared of death, mainly Hell. I'm afraid I'll go there sometimes.
8.) I think there is a God...but I sometimes wonder why He does the things He does
9.) I write a lot of fanfics. I'm not particularly ashamed of them, but I feel that someday they'll haunt me.
10.) I can be a bit of a fangirl. I don't think that part of me has ever died out.
11.) Sometimes I think I'm better than anyone else. And I hate that feeling. I hate it.
12.) I get really lonely, especially at night, and I cry because of it. That's why I don't like staying up too late.
13.) I act like a know-it-all, but in reality, I don't know very much about anything.
14.) I wish I didn't have it so easy at school. I mean...it's getting harder now, but I'm still gliding on. I wish I had to struggle.
15.) I wonder if I really should be a writer. I mean, it'd be a nice thing to do on the side, but it's not what I love.
16.) When I don't go anywhere, I don't shower. Or brush my teeth. Sometimes.
17.) I don't have very good self-control. At all.
18.) Except when it comes to money.
19.) I have so many things that I love. I wish there were more people who could love them with me.
20.) I'm extremely man-crazy. I'm not even kidding. When I make a comment about a man, I'm usually not exaggerating at all.
21.) I really do think that all men don't want me. I honestly can't picture one wanting me. I always feel like all they want is some little thin thing.
22.) I don't want to be a little thin thing.
23.) I feel a lot more encouraged about my diet and exercising. A size L is only 4 sizes away!
24.) I like to laugh. I laugh easily. Make me laugh. I love it so much.
25.) I really do love my friends, but I have a hard time expressing it.
26.) Whenever I feel an emotion, I'm never able to hide it.
27.) I never want to hide my emotions.
28.) I love my mother very much. She's my best friend.
29.) Sometimes when I get very sad, I picture my mother dead. It scares me so much.
30.) I never want my mother to die. Ever.
31.) I honestly do believe that one should like whatever you like (within reason) because denying things you like is more immature than say, watching cartoons.
32.) Despite this, I still sneak around Books-A-Million with whatever book I'm carrying. I'm quite hesitant to look at that big Star Wars display without someone with me.
33.) I used to read a lot, but I don't very much anymore. That's why I'm starting to make myself read. It makes me feel better.
34.) I HATE being unknowledgeable. I have to know everything or it drives me crazy.
35.) I compulsively read Yahoo! Oddly Enough News when I can't find anything to do online.
36.) It takes me a while to read a story. It's not because I dislike your story or you, it's because...I dunno. I'm off like that.
37.) I love my father, step-mother, sisters, and Uncle George even though I criticize them often.
38.) I hate...let me reiterate this...I HATE my stretch marks.
39.) Someday when I'm older, I want to have a baby.
40.) Marriage has always been a fantasy for me.
41.) I obsessively collect action figures. Dunno why. They're pretty and everything, but I don't really play with them. Just chew on them.
42.) I fear rejection more than you'll ever know.
43.) I tend to exaggerate a lot. A lot.
44.) Lately, I'm so glad I've gotten into Harry Potter. I feel like I've connected with Dedra. It makes me feel so much more full to have someone to relate to. She has the Passion that I've not seen in many people.
45.) I'm really not a good friend.
46.) I hate talking on the telephone.
47.) I hate talking on IM.
48.) I prefer to talk to someone to their face. It's so much easier.
49.) I seem like this huge Lord of the Rings aficionado, but I'm really not.
50.) I love Star Wars, but I'm not THAT into it.
51.) My likes fade quite easily. Even though I keep a huge list of things I love, I seem to love one more when something happens with them. (I.e. Love Star Wars, but get really excited about it and read all about it when the movie comes out...another example...Like Harry Potter...but don't care too much about it until the new book comes out)
52.) I really suck at videogames. Pokemon's the only one that's come to me naturally.
53.) I wish there really were Pokemon. I think I'd be less lonely if I had a Charizard to cuddle.
54.) I read romance novels. And enjoy them. Kiss my ass.
55.) I enjoy watching pornography.
56.) I own two vibrators. (One is very loud...oy)
57.) I have spent about thirty bucks on a personalized romance novel about me and Dominic Monaghan. Yes. I love the book. But am quite ashamed of it.
58.) I have a very quick temper.
59.) When I get mad or frustrated, I pull on my own hair.
60.) I have a slight oral fixation, but different than what it sounds. I enjoy oral pain. As in...pain in my mouth. I've bitten through my lip, sliced my gum, and angered quite a few sores in this odd fixation.
61.) I really do have a thing about men's hair. Honestly.
62.) I am a bit of a personality sometimes.
63.) I feel like I'm never taken seriously, and it's because I can hardly ever be serious for long around too many people.
64.) I always feel the need to entertain.
65.) I always want attention. There are only rare times when I don't.
66.) I feel a lot of times like I'm too picky or finicky.
67.) I wonder who all is going to read this.
68.) I love being loved.
69.) I've no idea why the hell I name my body parts. And if I ever meet ANYONE who I've named it after. I won't tell them. Except for Paul McCartney if I don't pass out the instant I see him. Which I will.
70.) I named my breasts John and Paul (left one's John, right one's Paul), asscheeks Merry and Pippin (left one Merry, right one Pippin), my computer Dominic, and my truck Strider.
71.) I hate the way I act around guys. I've had such a need in my life for male attention, that when I get it, I act stupid. Even if it's from people I can't stand (a.k.a. Cameron Stark). It's not THAT terrible, but GOD if I don't hate myself afterwards.
72.) I usually have cleavage because I want attention. Male. Attention. I feel that the rest of me is unattractive so that I have to have SOMETHING a guy would want. So breasts is it. I hate that feeling.
73.) I have really odd breasts. They aren't round. They're almost oval. And they hate each other. Like fucking magnets these two are. And they aren't exactly perky.
74.) I have having my hair up. When I look in the mirror, it feels like I look like a man.
75.) I love shoes, but the majority of the time, I just want something comfortable.
76.) I honestly don't know if I want to wait until marriage for sex. Even though, it's quite likely I will.
77.) Which means I'll be a virgin all my life.
78.) I wonder about sex a whole lot.
79.) I love Pepsi, yes, but sometimes I just crave water.
80.) I love dressing up. And not just for the attention it gets me. I love pretending that I'm someone else.
81.) In all honesty, I'm glad I am me, but there are things that I would like to drastically change.
82.) I can't stay in one place for too long. I used to be a homebody, but if I'm not out of the house at least once every four days, I start to shift into a depression.
83.) I'm very nervous/excited about drama. I would love to act. I hope I'm good.
84.) I hate being wrong.
85.) I pride myself on being different and on my shock factor.
86.) I listen to a lot of music that I'm slightly ashamed of.
87.) I wish everyone would see me as very mysterious and interesting. Intreguing, even.
88.) I hate being the best friend and never the one who someone is interested in.
89.) I have never had a boyfriend.
90.) I have never been kissed.
91.) I don't wear underwear. And I wouldn't want to.
92.) I'm a nudist at heart and it runs in my family. Knock first when you come to my house unless you want to get flashed.
93.) Even though I enjoy being in the nude, I hate my body.
94.) Sometimes I wonder if I've ever experienced a real orgasm.
95.) I've noticed that a lot of my body is desensitized.
96.) I bite my fingernails because it gives me something to do, keeps my fingernails clean, and because I hate the way my fingers look with nails.
97.) I pick my nose. But I do NOT eat it. That...is nasty.
98.) I bite my toenails.
99.) I pee in the shower.
100.) I feel a whole lot better than when I started this thing.

I love this song:

"Well don't I look pretty walking down the street./In the best damn dress I own?"

-giggle-

I'm really getting obsessive about this whole costuming thing. It's almost becoming a problem. -dies- All I want to do is to complete my costume. I'm obsessively using eBay and I just...GAH! I suppose it's out of boredom. I need to write then. Oy.

Well...I felt like shit the other day, so I didn't post my review of Sky High that I finally saw with my mom. So...here it is.

I can honestly say that this was the most predictable movie I've ever seen. I figured out the majority of the ending by not even the middle of the movie, and trust me, I NEVER figure out anything. Definately a little kids' movie. But with high school problems. Hmm...bad idea. Well...I did enjoy the movie. It was cute. Reminded me of a Disney X-Men...but then again honey...stick with the originals. Instead of having such characters as Storm, Wolverine, Rogue, Gambit, Cyclops, and the like, we had a little kid whose name I honestly don't remember who has trouble finding his powers, his friend (whose name I also don't remember) who is the flower power-esque hippy who doesn't believe in conforming to society, loves animals, and who has a crush on this stupid ass boy when she could be like me, lusting after the really hot guy who made the movie worth it. Okay...just looked it up. Name's Will and the girl's name is Layla. How I forgot this I'll never know. Well...it had a wonderful cast...I'll definately say that. The chemistry and the fun they had on set was very obvious, which made the acting impecable. I mean...it appealed to adults (my mom lusts after Kurt Russel for reasons I'll never know) and the younger ones. Even had a little snicker at Lynda Carter's sake. Her little "Who do you think I am? Wonder Woman?" comment was quite funny. If you don't know why it's funny...go to IMDB and look up Lynda Carter. For God's sake.
Well...it isn't exactly a blockbuster...nor should it be, but it's a cute movie. A good renter. Definately a good renter. I did enjoy it, though. Very cute -grins- Obvious, but cute. And the 'bully' who ends up becoming Will Stronghold's friend. Worth the admission price ladies! OY! His name is Steven Strait (real name, not the movie name) and he's a sexy bitch. As I've already posted. My God...squirmed the whole movie. The hair! In that little bun thing! -fans herself- If I had a power it would definately be his. He could make fire with his hands. -fans herself- Oy...sexy bitch, I tell you. There is only one man who makes me squirm that much while watching a movie and that's Hayden Christensen. Only because I have to pee. No! -laughs- Kidding...I luffs t3h Hayden -dies- But it is true. I always have to pee during a George Lucas movie -dies- Which is off topic. But after seeing this movie, I had to go like...suck on an ice cube or 50. He was just...my...my God. I had to bite my lip to keep from making very inappropriate noises in a children's movie. Oy...-fans herself some more- I neeeeeeed...a cold shower...coooooooold shower...God...-takes a deep breath- -lets it out- Okay...I'll be all right. I'm goosebumping...you know it's bad when I goosebump.

Oh...and something I discovered last night when I was bored. If you ever feel that life is dull...close your eyes...and imagine how it would feel to know sight and then have it leave you. Stay that way for about 30-40 minutes...then open your eyes and take in how beautiful the world truly is.

-is in so much pain that she can't breathe- Look...at...THIS!